responsible parent seeks other parents for adventure

[donotlick]

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[throwabookatit]

[ Mmm, yeah. A nice gulp and Rebecca hums lightly. She has to make sure he saves some of this. ]

...It's been awhile since I've just...gone out drinking, with someone. I'm afraid I don't quite know what to talk about.

[donotlick]

Well, can't say I'm much better. Last time I had a drink with someone, all I did was bitch about... stupid shit.

[ mmmmm yeah he's taking another sip. don't ask who he was drinking with, ok!! (except do) ]

[throwabookatit]

[ eyes emoji ]

Nothing wrong with that. Especially not in this place.

[donotlick]

God, I wish that was just it. We've got such bigger shit going on. Now the shit I was bitching about seems stupid.

[ He sighs. ]

You know, like when you make a dumb mistake, but then realize "wow, I fucking knew that was a mistake, but I sure kept going."

[throwabookatit]

Haa, well... Yes, I'm familiar, with the feeling, unfortunately.

[donotlick]

[ Hank shrugs, staring down at his glass. ]

Yeah. Maybe I should just give up on some shit... but it's so much easier said then fucking done, right?

[ Hank, you're gonna have to give some context, dude. ]

[throwabookatit]

I can't really offer advice, without knowing the situation.

[ Wink, nudge. C'mon, open up. ]

[donotlick]

[ Hank sighs. The Situation is Complicated. ]

You have to promise not to tell. Anyone.

[throwabookatit]

Promise. My lips are sealed.

[donotlick]

[ Hmmmm. Should he give this context or get the worst out first? Haha, good question.

Well, considering Connor might be dead, probably best to just rip that bandaid off first. ]

I'm a fucking dumbass who's hung up on Connor.

[ He says the words like their being ripped from him, quick and grimacing. ]

If I could just "delete" the stupid feelings and be done with 'em, I would.

[throwabookatit]

[ Oh... Oh, that... This makes everything even more complicated. ]

Oh, Hank... No wonder you...you needed that double.

For how long?

[donotlick]

Yeah. Yeah.

[ He takes another drink. He could finish the whole thing off, but he's gonna have to save it up for the next bombshell, so he only drinks about half of it. ]

Probably since about the time I remembered him dying for me back home. Or maybe the first time he told me I should stick around? Instead of... well, you know. Haven't been in a very good place since even before I got here. [ He sighs. ] Maybe it's fucked up that I fall for the first cute guy who gave a shit about me, but goddamn if I can't stop caring about him.

It's fucking complicated because we're partners, and that's always gonna come first. Never mind that he's fucking dating Han. [ He especially sighs there. ] I just need to fucking get over it. And I'm trying, you know? I'm just... fuck, you know? Fuck.

[throwabookatit]

[ Several things to unpack here. One, Connor's died before now, so those things he was afraid of, he's experienced. On top of that, this reaction of Hank's probably has some of that built up in it, as well.

But, the more he says, the more-- "Fucked up that I fall for the first cute guy who gave a shit about me," it strikes something in her and...well, Rebecca's downing quite a bit of her drink before he's done, as well. ]

It's not...easy, to get over someone, who you've a relationship like that with-- who's unavailable. [ Emotionally or otherwise. ] You've got an uphill climb...Hank.

[donotlick]

[ yeah, would not recommend falling for an android who can come back to life. It's very shitty. Guess they have more in common than they thought, eh? ]

Yeah, I'm not really helping my case much either, since I'm the only one Connor can turn to about this shit. [ Hank stares back down into his glass, pausing. ] Every time... The other day he and Han got into a fight and I just -- I wanted to fucking scream, you know? Why not me? I wouldn't fucking do this to you! or some shit. But I... I can't do that. I can't get in the way of their relationship just because I'm fucking jealous.

[ He puts the glass down, running a hand down his beard just to maybe, maybe keep himself from downing the rest in one go. ]

Connor already told me to back off, anyway. He made it... real fucking clear that he doesn't see me like that. We're just partners. And without me? Connor wouldn't... He couldn't handle this place. So I get it. I get it. It just fucking sucks.

[throwabookatit]

[ That's another big gulp, there. Rebecca's actually glancing away now. Her face is flushed, but it's not from the alcohol. ]

...No matter how much you know, logically, you can't help your feelings. I...understand. I understand more than I- ...more than I care to admit. Even if you like the person he's chosen, you still-- it's not the same. The littlest things still burn, even though you know, if he's happy...you should be happy. To have the important relationship you do, you should be happy, but it's not...it's not the same, as what you want, and it's...suffocating.

[ Suffocating. Intoxicating. Complicating. ]

It really fucking sucks.

[donotlick]

[ Hank nods. He turns to Rebecca and recognizes her look, the emotions caught in her voice. He knows them because they're his too. Fuck, aren't the both just sad? ]

Yeah, it sure does.

[ He releases a breath through his nose, downing his drink after the next part. ]

So I slept with Hale.

[throwabookatit]

You what?!

[ Really, she doesn't mean for it to be so loud. Or shocked. Or for the coughs that accompany it. She was just starting to take another sip and. Well, things happen. ]

[donotlick]

[ The spittake is totally fair, Rebecca. Hank rubs the back of his neck, awkward... ]

Yeeeah, not my smartest move. I mean, we were both drunk and I was kinda complaining to 'im... He was probably more drunk than I was, obviously.

[ Hank kinda just shrugs. ]

Hale has a crush on Han. It's a whole fucking love triangle. So we... uh, commiserated.

[throwabookatit]

[ This is a lot to take in. ]

Han fucking despises him! A-at least that's what it seems like, in the end- crivvens even the damn administration's for this...drama. [ She says the word disdainfully; she hates thinking of it like that, but what's more appropriate? ]

This-- so the two of you just... One thing, to another, and...

[ for all the talk at the trial...she's an awkward blushing virgin. ]

[donotlick]

[ it's A Whole Lot. ]

Right? I dunno what his deal is. But maybe he's got the hots for Connor too, who fucking knows. Connor's so fucking perfect, I can't say I blame 'im.

[ Time to finish up that drink. Yep. ]

Pretty much. I'll spare you the details so you don't have to bleach your brain or anything, but uh, yeah. [ He taps his now-empty glass on the table, looking down in embarrassment. ] We were both lonely and stupid. It was just a one-time thing. I'm not some kid like Connor, I know when something's real and when it's a mistake.

[throwabookatit]

[ For a few moments, Rebecca sits there sipping her drink, at a bit of a loss for words. There's not much to say, but. ]

Well... You're right, Hank. This...sounds like a bloody mess.

[ She's a grimace away from a "that's rough, buddy." ]

How long's this been eating you up?

[donotlick]

Yep. Because the murder shit wasn't enough, I guess.

[ Hank chuckles, facetiously. He's mostly laughing at himself... this is all so ridiculous. ]

The thing with Hale happened last night. I feel less shitty about that -- my life's all about mistakes. But the shit with Connor's been a long time coming. [ He releases a loud breath. ] Fuck, I just want him to be okay. I don't care if he never sees me as anything besides his goddamn partner... I just. I need him. He's the only reason I'm still here.

[throwabookatit]

[ This she can respond to. Even if it hurts. It's...relevant, in a way. She sucks in a breath. ]

I understand. There's... There's someone in my life, who I feel the same about. Who...if I lost him, I...don't really know just what I'd do.

[ Much like Hank's confession, Rebecca's words seem pulled from her, roughly. ]

Who I-- ...Who I...have realized, recently, I may have...o-obsessed over enough, with...stupid jealousy and entitlement to damage our friendship.

[ ...And there goes the rest of her drink. ]

I've been a right idiot, but- it's given me some perspective. From what you've told me? Whatever mistakes you've made, if- ...when you see Connor again. I don't think you're going to lose him, not to something like unrequited feelings.

[donotlick]

[ Hank nods. Wow, they really have a lonely hearts club going in this place, don't they? ]

You're still young. This kind of shit? It happens. You get better for it.

[ Hank smiles sadly, setting his glass down and laying his palm flat on the table. ]

Thanks, 'Becca. I appreciate it... Didn't think there'd be anybody I could tell about this. [ He chuckles. ] kinda felt like I deserved to get my ass laughed at for worrying about this shit on top of everything else.

[throwabookatit]

[ The reassurance is...nice, honestly? She's awkward about glancing back up, but it's with a matching, pitiful smile. ]

You picked the wrong person to vent to, if you wanted to get laughed at. I'm not about to scoff at someone's matters of the heart, even if it seems...ridiculous.