[ Several things to unpack here. One, Connor's died before now, so those things he was afraid of, he's experienced. On top of that, this reaction of Hank's probably has some of that built up in it, as well.
But, the more he says, the more-- "Fucked up that I fall for the first cute guy who gave a shit about me," it strikes something in her and...well, Rebecca's downing quite a bit of her drink before he's done, as well. ]
It's not...easy, to get over someone, who you've a relationship like that with-- who's unavailable. [ Emotionally or otherwise. ] You've got an uphill climb...Hank.
[ yeah, would not recommend falling for an android who can come back to life. It's very shitty. Guess they have more in common than they thought, eh? ]
Yeah, I'm not really helping my case much either, since I'm the only one Connor can turn to about this shit. [ Hank stares back down into his glass, pausing. ] Every time... The other day he and Han got into a fight and I just -- I wanted to fucking scream, you know? Why not me? I wouldn't fucking do this to you! or some shit. But I... I can't do that. I can't get in the way of their relationship just because I'm fucking jealous.
[ He puts the glass down, running a hand down his beard just to maybe, maybe keep himself from downing the rest in one go. ]
Connor already told me to back off, anyway. He made it... real fucking clear that he doesn't see me like that. We're just partners. And without me? Connor wouldn't... He couldn't handle this place. So I get it. I get it. It just fucking sucks.
[ That's another big gulp, there. Rebecca's actually glancing away now. Her face is flushed, but it's not from the alcohol. ]
...No matter how much you know, logically, you can't help your feelings. I...understand. I understand more than I- ...more than I care to admit. Even if you like the person he's chosen, you still-- it's not the same. The littlest things still burn, even though you know, if he's happy...you should be happy. To have the important relationship you do, you should be happy, but it's not...it's not the same, as what you want, and it's...suffocating.
[ Hank nods. He turns to Rebecca and recognizes her look, the emotions caught in her voice. He knows them because they're his too. Fuck, aren't the both just sad? ]
Yeah, it sure does.
[ He releases a breath through his nose, downing his drink after the next part. ]
[ Really, she doesn't mean for it to be so loud. Or shocked. Or for the coughs that accompany it. She was just starting to take another sip and. Well, things happen. ]
Han fucking despises him! A-at least that's what it seems like, in the end- crivvens even the damn administration's for this...drama. [ She says the word disdainfully; she hates thinking of it like that, but what's more appropriate? ]
This-- so the two of you just... One thing, to another, and...
[ for all the talk at the trial...she's an awkward blushing virgin. ]
Right? I dunno what his deal is. But maybe he's got the hots for Connor too, who fucking knows. Connor's so fucking perfect, I can't say I blame 'im.
[ Time to finish up that drink. Yep. ]
Pretty much. I'll spare you the details so you don't have to bleach your brain or anything, but uh, yeah. [ He taps his now-empty glass on the table, looking down in embarrassment. ] We were both lonely and stupid. It was just a one-time thing. I'm not some kid like Connor, I know when something's real and when it's a mistake.
Yep. Because the murder shit wasn't enough, I guess.
[ Hank chuckles, facetiously. He's mostly laughing at himself... this is all so ridiculous. ]
The thing with Hale happened last night. I feel less shitty about that -- my life's all about mistakes. But the shit with Connor's been a long time coming. [ He releases a loud breath. ] Fuck, I just want him to be okay. I don't care if he never sees me as anything besides his goddamn partner... I just. I need him. He's the only reason I'm still here.
[ This she can respond to. Even if it hurts. It's...relevant, in a way. She sucks in a breath. ]
I understand. There's... There's someone in my life, who I feel the same about. Who...if I lost him, I...don't really know just what I'd do.
[ Much like Hank's confession, Rebecca's words seem pulled from her, roughly. ]
Who I-- ...Who I...have realized, recently, I may have...o-obsessed over enough, with...stupid jealousy and entitlement to damage our friendship.
[ ...And there goes the rest of her drink. ]
I've been a right idiot, but- it's given me some perspective. From what you've told me? Whatever mistakes you've made, if- ...when you see Connor again. I don't think you're going to lose him, not to something like unrequited feelings.
[ Hank nods. Wow, they really have a lonely hearts club going in this place, don't they? ]
You're still young. This kind of shit? It happens. You get better for it.
[ Hank smiles sadly, setting his glass down and laying his palm flat on the table. ]
Thanks, 'Becca. I appreciate it... Didn't think there'd be anybody I could tell about this. [ He chuckles. ] kinda felt like I deserved to get my ass laughed at for worrying about this shit on top of everything else.
[ The reassurance is...nice, honestly? She's awkward about glancing back up, but it's with a matching, pitiful smile. ]
You picked the wrong person to vent to, if you wanted to get laughed at. I'm not about to scoff at someone's matters of the heart, even if it seems...ridiculous.
[ He shoots her a self-deprecating smirk, mostly because he can't imagine anyone ever doing something this nice for him? Hank really doesn't have many friends. ]
Hey, now you know something about me even Connor doesn't. I tell that kid everything, but this... this shit ain't his fault. [ He sighs. He does that a lot. ] Han's probably a better fit for 'im than me, anyway. I'm a little too washed up to be dating twink robots.
[ Twink robots oh my god don't. She covers her mouth, slightly embarrassed and slightly amused. If they knew where Connor was, this would be more of a lighthearted thing. ]
I-if I can...give my advice again? I- I think...if it starts getting in the way, then...talk with him, about it. Not necessarily to...confess, or anything like that. Just to clear the air. It's something I'm starting to wish I'd done, years ago.
[ Look, he says it like it is. And he's had a nice amount of booze so he's feeling loose and certainly a lot less stress. ]
Thanks. He pretty much made me spill his guts to 'im, that's how I know I'm hopeless.
[ Hank stares back at his empty glass. He sounds mostly resigned about it. Really, he didn't expect any different. His self-esteem is way too low to have entertained the idea of anyone actually liking him enough to date him. ]
It's alright. Just something I gotta get used to. But thanks... I try not to hide shit from 'im. Partners have to trust each other, no matter what.
When he has you wrapped around his finger, but he has no idea the reason.
[ Alcohol tolerance of the damned, Rebecca's giving herself another drink. ]
...You know, Ashton [ she trips over his name, just briefly ] never really talks about it, the whole...partner thing. I hadn't realized, that you've someone to rely on so much on the force. He's always...well, more of a loner.
[ Hank sighs. He would kill for another drink... but he promised. So. He looks at Rebecca instead. ]
I used to be like that too, to be honest. Sure, it was me and Jeffrey back in the old days, but ever since he made Captain I kind of... drifted, from partner to partner. Wasn't until I started working with Connor that I really realized what I'd been missing out on.
And Connor just...being him, it helped you understand that? You can't close yourself off and live a fulfilling life. [ A thoughtful sip. ] ...I hope Ash realizes that one day too.
Connor's the kind of person who forced me to step up and stop slacking. He... I mean, shit, he's learning how to be a person. Watching him work so goddamn hard at everything... It reminded me of how I used to be when I gave a damn. When I actually though shit was worth something.
...You know, Ash... It takes a lot to make him listen, anymore. He cares about us, but that's why he thinks he has to keep us in the dark. ...If...there were any way for you to talk to him, I think...if he were to listen to anyone, it'd be an officer in his profession.
[ Look, he may think it sounds lame, but Rebecca smiles lightly. ]
It'd be nice. Ash did the same thing for me- like...you with Connor, when I was a kid, so... I'd like to...give something back to him, like that. Something...selfless.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
But, the more he says, the more-- "Fucked up that I fall for the first cute guy who gave a shit about me," it strikes something in her and...well, Rebecca's downing quite a bit of her drink before he's done, as well. ]
It's not...easy, to get over someone, who you've a relationship like that with-- who's unavailable. [ Emotionally or otherwise. ] You've got an uphill climb...Hank.
no subject
Yeah, I'm not really helping my case much either, since I'm the only one Connor can turn to about this shit. [ Hank stares back down into his glass, pausing. ] Every time... The other day he and Han got into a fight and I just -- I wanted to fucking scream, you know? Why not me? I wouldn't fucking do this to you! or some shit. But I... I can't do that. I can't get in the way of their relationship just because I'm fucking jealous.
[ He puts the glass down, running a hand down his beard just to maybe, maybe keep himself from downing the rest in one go. ]
Connor already told me to back off, anyway. He made it... real fucking clear that he doesn't see me like that. We're just partners. And without me? Connor wouldn't... He couldn't handle this place. So I get it. I get it. It just fucking sucks.
no subject
...No matter how much you know, logically, you can't help your feelings. I...understand. I understand more than I- ...more than I care to admit. Even if you like the person he's chosen, you still-- it's not the same. The littlest things still burn, even though you know, if he's happy...you should be happy. To have the important relationship you do, you should be happy, but it's not...it's not the same, as what you want, and it's...suffocating.
[ Suffocating. Intoxicating. Complicating. ]
It really fucking sucks.
no subject
Yeah, it sure does.
[ He releases a breath through his nose, downing his drink after the next part. ]
So I slept with Hale.
no subject
[ Really, she doesn't mean for it to be so loud. Or shocked. Or for the coughs that accompany it. She was just starting to take another sip and. Well, things happen. ]
no subject
Yeeeah, not my smartest move. I mean, we were both drunk and I was kinda complaining to 'im... He was probably more drunk than I was, obviously.
[ Hank kinda just shrugs. ]
Hale has a crush on Han. It's a whole fucking love triangle. So we... uh, commiserated.
no subject
Han fucking despises him! A-at least that's what it seems like, in the end- crivvens even the damn administration's for this...drama. [ She says the word disdainfully; she hates thinking of it like that, but what's more appropriate? ]
This-- so the two of you just... One thing, to another, and...
[ for all the talk at the trial...she's an awkward blushing virgin. ]
no subject
Right? I dunno what his deal is. But maybe he's got the hots for Connor too, who fucking knows. Connor's so fucking perfect, I can't say I blame 'im.
[ Time to finish up that drink. Yep. ]
Pretty much. I'll spare you the details so you don't have to bleach your brain or anything, but uh, yeah. [ He taps his now-empty glass on the table, looking down in embarrassment. ] We were both lonely and stupid. It was just a one-time thing. I'm not some kid like Connor, I know when something's real and when it's a mistake.
no subject
Well... You're right, Hank. This...sounds like a bloody mess.
[ She's a grimace away from a "that's rough, buddy." ]
How long's this been eating you up?
no subject
[ Hank chuckles, facetiously. He's mostly laughing at himself... this is all so ridiculous. ]
The thing with Hale happened last night. I feel less shitty about that -- my life's all about mistakes. But the shit with Connor's been a long time coming. [ He releases a loud breath. ] Fuck, I just want him to be okay. I don't care if he never sees me as anything besides his goddamn partner... I just. I need him. He's the only reason I'm still here.
no subject
I understand. There's... There's someone in my life, who I feel the same about. Who...if I lost him, I...don't really know just what I'd do.
[ Much like Hank's confession, Rebecca's words seem pulled from her, roughly. ]
Who I-- ...Who I...have realized, recently, I may have...o-obsessed over enough, with...stupid jealousy and entitlement to damage our friendship.
[ ...And there goes the rest of her drink. ]
I've been a right idiot, but- it's given me some perspective. From what you've told me? Whatever mistakes you've made, if- ...when you see Connor again. I don't think you're going to lose him, not to something like unrequited feelings.
no subject
You're still young. This kind of shit? It happens. You get better for it.
[ Hank smiles sadly, setting his glass down and laying his palm flat on the table. ]
Thanks, 'Becca. I appreciate it... Didn't think there'd be anybody I could tell about this. [ He chuckles. ] kinda felt like I deserved to get my ass laughed at for worrying about this shit on top of everything else.
no subject
You picked the wrong person to vent to, if you wanted to get laughed at. I'm not about to scoff at someone's matters of the heart, even if it seems...ridiculous.
no subject
[ He shoots her a self-deprecating smirk, mostly because he can't imagine anyone ever doing something this nice for him? Hank really doesn't have many friends. ]
Hey, now you know something about me even Connor doesn't. I tell that kid everything, but this... this shit ain't his fault. [ He sighs. He does that a lot. ] Han's probably a better fit for 'im than me, anyway. I'm a little too washed up to be dating twink robots.
no subject
I-if I can...give my advice again? I- I think...if it starts getting in the way, then...talk with him, about it. Not necessarily to...confess, or anything like that. Just to clear the air. It's something I'm starting to wish I'd done, years ago.
no subject
Thanks. He pretty much made me spill his guts to 'im, that's how I know I'm hopeless.
[ Hank stares back at his empty glass. He sounds mostly resigned about it. Really, he didn't expect any different. His self-esteem is way too low to have entertained the idea of anyone actually liking him enough to date him. ]
It's alright. Just something I gotta get used to. But thanks... I try not to hide shit from 'im. Partners have to trust each other, no matter what.
no subject
[ Alcohol tolerance of the damned, Rebecca's giving herself another drink. ]
...You know, Ashton [ she trips over his name, just briefly ] never really talks about it, the whole...partner thing. I hadn't realized, that you've someone to rely on so much on the force. He's always...well, more of a loner.
no subject
[ Hank sighs. He would kill for another drink... but he promised. So. He looks at Rebecca instead. ]
I used to be like that too, to be honest. Sure, it was me and Jeffrey back in the old days, but ever since he made Captain I kind of... drifted, from partner to partner. Wasn't until I started working with Connor that I really realized what I'd been missing out on.
no subject
no subject
[ Hank nods. ]
I hope so too, for his sake.
no subject
...You know, Ash... It takes a lot to make him listen, anymore. He cares about us, but that's why he thinks he has to keep us in the dark. ...If...there were any way for you to talk to him, I think...if he were to listen to anyone, it'd be an officer in his profession.
no subject
[ Hank shrugs, almost rolling his eyes at himself. God, that sounds lame!! ]
Lots of his type, back at the precinct. I wouldn't mind talking some sense into 'im for you, if I could.
no subject
It'd be nice. Ash did the same thing for me- like...you with Connor, when I was a kid, so... I'd like to...give something back to him, like that. Something...selfless.
no subject
That's good. The world needs more people like that.
no subject
That it does. ...If that's why you fell for Connor, him being one of them, I...definitely understand it. I suppose we have the same type, in that way.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)