[ Gavin's felt more wolfy ever since that moment in the car a few days prior, and it's been getting stronger as the full moon approaches. He'd woken up that morning feeling itchy all over, deep inside, like there's a twisted muscle in his body he can't quite get to.
His eyes were glowing right from the start, his jaw aching, his hands shaking. If it was anything else he'd look like he was going through red ice withdrawals or something. He hasn't shaved in a few days and it's obvious.
Gavin's just sitting on the bed, already breathing heavier. Sweat is starting to bead at his brow, his face flushed. He swivels his head to look at Hank. His breathing just gets heavier. ]
Barely. [ His voice is rough and craggy. All he can think about is how Hank's jugular is so casually exposed. ]
[ Hank steps over and places a hand on his shoulder to try and steady him. Their nails are already looking pretty dark, ready to turn into claws as soon as the sun falls. They don't need windows or direct moonlight to change. When it happens, it'll happen, there's no doubt about that.
Oh, and their clothes are totally gonna get fucked but you know what, that's the price to pay. He doesn't really want to make things worse on Gavin by having to hang out naked with him. ]
Talk to me. [ Hank rolls his shoulders, the joints loose and ready. He takes a deep breath, shaking out the tremors. ] I'm here with you, man.
[ A shudder rolls through him at the touch, but he doesn't move. He closes his eyes and takes another shuddering breath, it seeming to rattle his rib cage. ]
I'm kinda. Scared to move right now.
[ He's grabbing at the sheets on the bed so tight they're probably tearing. ]
[ That's okay, you can tear those sheets as much as you want, Gavin. Everything down here is replaceable. ]
Yeah? You worried you'll jump me?
[ It would sound like a joke any other day, but Hank's not joking. God knows Hank had gone after his own damn shadow when he'd first been turned, so he gets that. ]
[ Hank nods. He's not great at letting go, obviously, so giving up control was never easy for him either. Much less when it's not really a choice. It'll happen whether they want it or not. ]
If it helps -- this thing, it... it comes from you. It's you. I mean, it ramps everything up and kinda simplifies a lot of shit, but you're not gonna become some other person.
[ Hank sits down beside Gavin, still keeping that hand on his shoulder. ]
I... back when I first got started, I was so goddamn afraid. I thought I'd hurt my family. What if I hurt Cole? But it... Even when things went bad, or I broke out or... I never, not once hurt them. I mean, I came close, but. [ He chuckles, the sound more a growl than anything. ] It's probably a good thing, since my wife would've killed me, but you know. You're still you in there, that's what I'm saying.
[ He just listens and chews on his lip, stopping before he starts to taste his own blood. Gavin shifts and leans into Hank a little once he sits down, a little submissive gesture.
He takes another shaky, rough breath. Gavin nods... then shakes his head. ]
I've spent so much of my life hiding... that's the scary part. [ He runs a hand over his face again, scratching at the growing beard on his face. ] God, fuck, you know who I wish was here? My brother. I'm a complete person with him around.
[ It's a weird thing to say, but his mind is getting hazy already. Twin things. He grew up feeling like the extension of another person, another person exactly like him down to the DNA and now it's... different. Wrong. ]
[ The smell of blood certainly doesn't help Hank stay in control. He knows it's getting closer because he suddenly feels the urge to bite and take Gavin's lips in his to suck on his bleeding lip till it dries.
Wow, okay. Time to think about anything else.
Right, the Kamski thing. A guy like Gavin, who's spent so much of his life faking it... well, it makes sense he'd be afraid. He's already had to hide his true self on the daily. Hank nods, tossing his arm around Gavin's shoulders to hold him closer. Maybe it helps? ]
You grew up together. It makes sense you'd wanna be with him.
[ The arm helps and also doesn't. A growl starts to rumble from his chest, different from the one before. Not as high pitched, a deeper timbre. He talks over it, closing his eyes and nuzzling closer to Hank. ]
Being born together but living and dying separately. It's very cruel.
[ His voice is sounding a little off. Is that Ezra, instead of Gavin? ]
[ Guess they're gonna find out who Gavin's true self really is... Hank doesn't recognize the growl or the timbre of his voice, but he's at least aware enough to assume why Gavin is veering toward the dramatic. But hey, Hank is totally fine with the nuzzling. ]
Yeah... [ He's back to sounding like his Usual self suddenly. Gavin presses closer, reaching a hand over to put on Hank's knee tightly. ] I'd like that. I really miss him.
[ He pulls back suddenly, eyes wide and jaw hanging open a little. His teeth are getting pointier. ] I don't— Fuck, I don't like this.
[ Hank lets Gavin set the pace, lets him freak out and worry however he's gonna. ]
Hey, it's all good. Like I said, this shit amplifies things. So, you miss your brother. That's okay.
[ Hank, for all that his eyes are bright gold and he's looking pretty close to shifting, simply growls softly, a calming, low sound to try and soothe him. ]
Whatever happens in this basement stays in the basement. It's up to you what we do about your brother once we get out of here.
Right... right. Fuck. [ He pulls up his legs (his toes are looking pretty claw-y too) and hugs his knees, taking a few more rattling breaths.
He manages a mirthless little snicker. ]
What happens in the basement stays in the basement, huh?
[ He's about to keep joking before an unnatural little roll of muscle and bone goes up his back, twisting his head back and forth. Aw shit, that felt weird. But also really fucking good. He groans, moans, buries his face in his knees again. ]
[ Hank runs his hand through Gavin's hair again. He can feel the shaking start to subside in his limbs, which isn't actually good news. It's the opposite. Hank checks the clock. He can feel it, too. ]
Must be getting close. [ That urge to stay close and hold Gavin only grows. It racks Hank with a shudder, a louder growl forcing its way out of him. ] Fuck.
[ He growls at that, leaning into it. Comforting, safe, secure... alpha. Hank. Hank alpha. Protect.
Protect? No. Competition? Yes.
Another unnatural shudder rolls through his body, this time with audible crunching and snapping of his bone and muscle. And suddenly he goes incredibly lax.
And reaches a fully clawed hand out, pressing it into Hank's chest. He looks at him, eyes glowing dangerously. It hits him faster, harder. ] You...!
[ Hank's got his own shit going on, so his attention falters from Gavin as he senses the now-familiar change within him. He's used to going this alone, so the sudden smells and feelings come off of his packmate don't really register until his bones are well in the process of resetting, the muscle around them stretching and shaping into something far from human.
The hand on his chest sure registers, though. Claws. Fear. Danger. Hank pushes Gavin off of him, rising to stand over the younger werewolf. ]
Fuck off, Reed.
[ The sound of their bodies shifting is a cacophony of unnatural crunches and groans. Hank keeps expecting to lose his sense entirely, but it doesn't come. He can still feel every sense heightened, can smell everything around them, even sense some of what Gavin is projecting, but he hasn't fully lost control. Is this what being an Alpha was like? Would he be able to maintain control, or would it slip away like it always does? ]
[ Hank doesn't take that sitting down. Holding on to some sense doesn't mean he isn't against the pull towards defending himself. More than that, Gavin is his. His responsibility. He should know his place. ]
I said, fuck off!
[ Hank growls and pushes back against Gavin, throwing him back with as much force as he can. What the hell is Reed going on about, anyway? ]
[ He hits the floor and jumps back up immediately. He's riding this high, this rush of strength and power, completely having forgotten about his 'place' in all of this.
Gavin rushes him again, trying to slam him into the nearby wall. He's vibrating with his growls, breath coming in a rush. ]
You were the best and then you gave it all up. I looked up to you for years and then you just pissed me off. [ And that would explain Gavin's shitty attitude to Hank, at least. ]
[ Of course it also reminds Hank of things with Cole and how his life fell apart. So instead of letting Gavin pin him, he pushes back and tries to turn them around, to pin Gavin instead. He growls, angry and deep and dangerous. ]
I lost everything! You have no idea what that's like! You think I had time to worry about your goddamn feelings?!
[ Gavin growls out, letting out a yowl when he's slammed into the wall. He claws at him, seething. ]
Don't act like you're the only one in the fucking universe that's suffered! [ He tries to push back, but Hank is stronger. He does have knees he can slam into him though. ]
I've had no one! I had to get strong on my fucking own because I was a disappointment from the second I was fucking born! You lost things I never even had the chance to have!
You're the one who's making all this shit about you!
[ Hank's hold is solid, claws digging into Gavin's wrists just a bit. Fuck it, he can be gentle with him on any other day. Not on the full moon. ]
Don't give me some bullshit about how I had it so much better! [ yeah tho, Gavin can totally knee him. oops. Hank isn't thinking this through, for obvious reasons. Instead he gets up in Gavin's face, leaning down to speak right in his ear. ] You know what hurts? Losing family. You might have a piece of shit for a brother, but even you must know that!
[ His voice right in his ear does give him pause for a few seconds, a keening growl in the back of his throat. His eyes flutter but then he's angry again, absolutely furious. ]
I'm the one who found my grandmother cold and dead in her bed, you asshole. And no one in my fucking family even went to her funeral except me. [ He reaches up to claw at his face, howling and growling. ] Don't fucking talk about my brother!
[ Damn, that almost seemed like it would work. It's enough that Hank loosens his grip, which of course comes to bite him when Gavin claws him in the face. Hank lurches back, hissing through the pain even with the wound already beginning to heal. Fuck, that still stings, okay? ]
I lost my son, you piece of shit! I could have saved his life but I was so damn afraid of giving him this fucking curse that I--
[ Hank has to pause, the pain in his voice made that much louder by the growl in his chest and the agony of the memory. Being somewhat in control just means he has to feel this more. Fuck. ]
Just fuck off, alright!? I don't give a shit about your brother!
[ He's still trying to claw, now he's trying to bite. If Gavin even remembers any of this, he'll be absolutely horrified he even said it. But that's the rub of the animal hind brain, the base and primal thoughts. No room for empathy, just pain and hurt and lashing out.
But the pain in his voice does hit him in he chest, hollowing out his chest. Gavin pauses for a moment. Has the thought of what it'd be like if he lost Eli, if he was alone...
...and a fresh, new anger boils over inside him. So he lashes out again. ]
You fucking made me too different now! We were always supposed to be exactly the same!
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His eyes were glowing right from the start, his jaw aching, his hands shaking. If it was anything else he'd look like he was going through red ice withdrawals or something. He hasn't shaved in a few days and it's obvious.
Gavin's just sitting on the bed, already breathing heavier. Sweat is starting to bead at his brow, his face flushed. He swivels his head to look at Hank. His breathing just gets heavier. ]
Barely. [ His voice is rough and craggy. All he can think about is how Hank's jugular is so casually exposed. ]
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[ Hank steps over and places a hand on his shoulder to try and steady him. Their nails are already looking pretty dark, ready to turn into claws as soon as the sun falls. They don't need windows or direct moonlight to change. When it happens, it'll happen, there's no doubt about that.
Oh, and their clothes are totally gonna get fucked but you know what, that's the price to pay. He doesn't really want to make things worse on Gavin by having to hang out naked with him. ]
Talk to me. [ Hank rolls his shoulders, the joints loose and ready. He takes a deep breath, shaking out the tremors. ] I'm here with you, man.
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I'm kinda. Scared to move right now.
[ He's grabbing at the sheets on the bed so tight they're probably tearing. ]
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Yeah? You worried you'll jump me?
[ It would sound like a joke any other day, but Hank's not joking. God knows Hank had gone after his own damn shadow when he'd first been turned, so he gets that. ]
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And then he laughs roughly. ] For fuck's sake. I've spent so much time picking fights and now I'm scared to?
[ He finally moves, putting his face in his hands. ]
I'm gonna lose control and that's. Terrifying to me.
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[ Hank nods. He's not great at letting go, obviously, so giving up control was never easy for him either. Much less when it's not really a choice. It'll happen whether they want it or not. ]
If it helps -- this thing, it... it comes from you. It's you. I mean, it ramps everything up and kinda simplifies a lot of shit, but you're not gonna become some other person.
[ Hank sits down beside Gavin, still keeping that hand on his shoulder. ]
I... back when I first got started, I was so goddamn afraid. I thought I'd hurt my family. What if I hurt Cole? But it... Even when things went bad, or I broke out or... I never, not once hurt them. I mean, I came close, but. [ He chuckles, the sound more a growl than anything. ] It's probably a good thing, since my wife would've killed me, but you know. You're still you in there, that's what I'm saying.
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He takes another shaky, rough breath. Gavin nods... then shakes his head. ]
I've spent so much of my life hiding... that's the scary part. [ He runs a hand over his face again, scratching at the growing beard on his face. ] God, fuck, you know who I wish was here? My brother. I'm a complete person with him around.
[ It's a weird thing to say, but his mind is getting hazy already. Twin things. He grew up feeling like the extension of another person, another person exactly like him down to the DNA and now it's... different. Wrong. ]
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Wow, okay. Time to think about anything else.
Right, the Kamski thing. A guy like Gavin, who's spent so much of his life faking it... well, it makes sense he'd be afraid. He's already had to hide his true self on the daily. Hank nods, tossing his arm around Gavin's shoulders to hold him closer. Maybe it helps? ]
You grew up together. It makes sense you'd wanna be with him.
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Being born together but living and dying separately. It's very cruel.
[ His voice is sounding a little off. Is that Ezra, instead of Gavin? ]
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We can call him when this is done.
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[ He pulls back suddenly, eyes wide and jaw hanging open a little. His teeth are getting pointier. ] I don't— Fuck, I don't like this.
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Hey, it's all good. Like I said, this shit amplifies things. So, you miss your brother. That's okay.
[ Hank, for all that his eyes are bright gold and he's looking pretty close to shifting, simply growls softly, a calming, low sound to try and soothe him. ]
Whatever happens in this basement stays in the basement. It's up to you what we do about your brother once we get out of here.
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He manages a mirthless little snicker. ]
What happens in the basement stays in the basement, huh?
[ He's about to keep joking before an unnatural little roll of muscle and bone goes up his back, twisting his head back and forth. Aw shit, that felt weird. But also really fucking good. He groans, moans, buries his face in his knees again. ]
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[ Hank runs his hand through Gavin's hair again. He can feel the shaking start to subside in his limbs, which isn't actually good news. It's the opposite. Hank checks the clock. He can feel it, too. ]
Must be getting close. [ That urge to stay close and hold Gavin only grows. It racks Hank with a shudder, a louder growl forcing its way out of him. ] Fuck.
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Protect? No. Competition? Yes.
Another unnatural shudder rolls through his body, this time with audible crunching and snapping of his bone and muscle. And suddenly he goes incredibly lax.
And reaches a fully clawed hand out, pressing it into Hank's chest. He looks at him, eyes glowing dangerously. It hits him faster, harder. ] You...!
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The hand on his chest sure registers, though. Claws. Fear. Danger. Hank pushes Gavin off of him, rising to stand over the younger werewolf. ]
Fuck off, Reed.
[ The sound of their bodies shifting is a cacophony of unnatural crunches and groans. Hank keeps expecting to lose his sense entirely, but it doesn't come. He can still feel every sense heightened, can smell everything around them, even sense some of what Gavin is projecting, but he hasn't fully lost control. Is this what being an Alpha was like? Would he be able to maintain control, or would it slip away like it always does? ]
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So he shoots up to pounce on him, claws out and teeth fully barred. He growls loudly, hissing and spitting. ]
You know what your fucking problem is? You disappointed me, you piece of shit.
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I said, fuck off!
[ Hank growls and pushes back against Gavin, throwing him back with as much force as he can. What the hell is Reed going on about, anyway? ]
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Gavin rushes him again, trying to slam him into the nearby wall. He's vibrating with his growls, breath coming in a rush. ]
You were the best and then you gave it all up. I looked up to you for years and then you just pissed me off. [ And that would explain Gavin's shitty attitude to Hank, at least. ]
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You know why, asshole!
[ Of course it also reminds Hank of things with Cole and how his life fell apart. So instead of letting Gavin pin him, he pushes back and tries to turn them around, to pin Gavin instead. He growls, angry and deep and dangerous. ]
I lost everything! You have no idea what that's like! You think I had time to worry about your goddamn feelings?!
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Don't act like you're the only one in the fucking universe that's suffered! [ He tries to push back, but Hank is stronger. He does have knees he can slam into him though. ]
I've had no one! I had to get strong on my fucking own because I was a disappointment from the second I was fucking born! You lost things I never even had the chance to have!
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[ Hank's hold is solid, claws digging into Gavin's wrists just a bit. Fuck it, he can be gentle with him on any other day. Not on the full moon. ]
Don't give me some bullshit about how I had it so much better! [ yeah tho, Gavin can totally knee him. oops. Hank isn't thinking this through, for obvious reasons. Instead he gets up in Gavin's face, leaning down to speak right in his ear. ] You know what hurts? Losing family. You might have a piece of shit for a brother, but even you must know that!
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I'm the one who found my grandmother cold and dead in her bed, you asshole. And no one in my fucking family even went to her funeral except me. [ He reaches up to claw at his face, howling and growling. ] Don't fucking talk about my brother!
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I lost my son, you piece of shit! I could have saved his life but I was so damn afraid of giving him this fucking curse that I--
[ Hank has to pause, the pain in his voice made that much louder by the growl in his chest and the agony of the memory. Being somewhat in control just means he has to feel this more. Fuck. ]
Just fuck off, alright!? I don't give a shit about your brother!
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But the pain in his voice does hit him in he chest, hollowing out his chest. Gavin pauses for a moment. Has the thought of what it'd be like if he lost Eli, if he was alone...
...and a fresh, new anger boils over inside him. So he lashes out again. ]
You fucking made me too different now! We were always supposed to be exactly the same!
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